Quiet Days & Cold Ham.

These few months have been rather passive and slothful for me, following my decision to withdraw from school. I have not been attending classes ever since the third semester began. You know, I believe I am of a person who listens closely to the heart rather than the voices around me(stubborn as it may sound). Because I trust my heart is young enough to decide; and I would rather do nothing else if I am not doing the things I love. Of course I love being in the study of Mass Communication; I love being able to do print-journalism; I enjoy the long bus rides and the random drop-offs to eat great food at casual places. But, it is taking a toil on me sometimes: The hectic schedule, the expenses, the emotional and mental drain. I thought I should take a break and soothe the troubles within and around me.

Perhaps if it were 3 years back I would have been disgusted at the thought of being a drop-out. I used to detest them and classify them as failures who are not able to persevere hard enough. But now that I have become a drop-out myself, I wonder if it is just self-denial or a big ego: I do not feel that I have failed anywhere in my learning or my quest in understanding various and many things in this life.

It is too bad that I have stopped schooling under the guardianship of my godfather. It may have put him in the bad light and I am sorry for that. He had resolve to change me into a better person. But the truth is, the moment I left my father's home in a bid to find a peace of mind; a piece of mine, it has been me for myself. There is no cause to seek an immediate or ultimate change in me as I never feel there was an urgent need to in the first place. Instead, all I needed was some shelter and a lot of food. The fact is, living with my godfather never really made me any lazier or otherwise. If there were anything influential about him is that there is a certain goodness and honesty in him that radiates so readily every moment. He is indeed one of the kindest soul and most patient man I have ever seen. And, I must admit, this same kind of graciousness can be found in many of my relatives; even my father's eyes reflect a very kindhearted nature, which is a quality I should inherit and emulate.

Despite gaining an impressive amount of weight these few months, I have become a happier person. My heart have since become lighter too. I throughly take delight in the quiet and peaceful days; wholemeal bread with cold ham and cheese. A good few hours read of my ever favourite Sherlock Homles is indeed unwinding and enjoyable. Although I feel that my plan to enjoy some tranquility has backfired; because apparently my flow of pocket money has seized to continue since I have stopped schooling. Perhaps my relatives do not see the point of supporting me anymore since their purpose to do so in the first place was to see me to school without having much financial difficulty. However it means I have to slog and work for some money of my own, which defeats the whole purpose of me having stopped school in the first place! Nevertheless, I thank them so very much for their support and apologise if I have somehow disappointed them.



So here I am; living my quiet, boring, penniless days without a care in the world.

joie de vivre.