Welsonn

When th' noon gets hot.

2010-03-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

As th' purple fades,
Comes a healthy pink
Of exuberant blush.

Hot water draws tea,
Her vigor drains a strong pulse.

A faint wind,
Carried a memory,
A burnt face is soothed.

Cold water stings teeth,
Her apathy thugs a nerve.

All I want is you,
A merry vacation,
A deep calm blue,
In a spicy fashion.

My pasta sauce,
Creamy or puree,
A chef's toss,
Makes it very splendid.

All I want is truth,
Not twisted versions,
A wasted youth,
Is caused by lies & deception.

A struggling wait,
For a healthy pink,
As th' purple fades.

Cheese & Grapes.

2009-11-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

Wrinkled silk in olive drab,

Painted nails brick-red,

She went for th' cheese,

No, she had th' purple grape.

New Season.

2009-04-18T00:02:00.000-07:00

Howdy, been long. It is the new season of continuous sunshine, and endless bouts of sweet seafood and white wine. Or not- since you may not be able to relate to that. Neither can I at the moment. Especially when most of my cash have been exchanged for printed receipts in my wallet. I wonder why only receipt printers are made to give off that 'Zzz, zzz, zzZ' shriek. Maybe it is to emphasize our static and sticky relationship with money.

Like the Dall sheep who migrates with the season to suit itself with more food and shelter. I have done likewise. I have migrated to Joo Chiat Place to sleep with Benjamin and fulfill our dream of wanking together every now and then. Every 15 hours, to be exact.

Life have been rather mundane at my new camp. They stuff me with 160GB worth of information useful only if you want to be a terrorist, and then there's a test every few days. So much for bombardment. What makes things worse is that camp is so so far away. I got to wake up at five every morning and catch the first bus with all the foreign workers who earn 3 times more than me. What is worse is the fact they didn't wait for their clothing to dry before wearing them again in order to excrete a stench strong enough to remind me I'm quite a miserable person.

Chalky distant grey,

Rough rusty painted blue shed,

He waits soberly,

On unmoved, sinking concrete.

OH, and did i mention. It is the durian season too! Anyone wanna go grab some?

Just Another Soldier.

2009-03-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

It is about waking up before first light, you rush to find a pair of nice smelling socks and shirt. Then you realise there isn't any because it is Friday, but you don't give a dang because thank God it is Friday. Halfway down the stairs you notice you forgot to bring your 11B- again. You contemplate.. and fucked it because as usual there's only two minutes left. You ain't going to scan the green card for breakfast again. You reached the cook house and wondered whether it'll be hot tea or iced, and then you settled with hot. The morning passed with other tough decisions like briefs or boxers or nothing. Should you bring your mobile down? And so on. Lunch came. AH, your enchanting dentist was there. She melts your jaded soul every time you see her. She caught you staring- for too long, because everyone was staring anyway. A certain restlessness soaks up your legs, accompanied by sad questions. Just another soldier you are. You are just another soldier.

Happy birthday to me. And Kekang. And all other Pisces babies.

Hello.

2008-12-26T00:48:00.000-08:00

Hello world. How are you? I miss you so. Your breath taste different. You have got more ladies here. Your water feels more refreshing. The scenery can heal. The colors can cheer. But I'm leaving you again tonight. I'm going to a dull and senseless place. Creativity plays little or no part over there. But I'll take it as I'm learning to protect your beauty; your diversity, your soothing tones. Bye world. And by the way, hope you have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Army Daze.

2008-12-01T10:40:00.000-08:00

National Service is here!

Perhaps future generations should boycott the idea of having a military. I am looking forward to it nevertheless.

May peace be with you. :)

Dark Ocean Blue.

2008-11-11T08:30:00.000-08:00

Lady ocean blue,

Her whisper brushes my ears,

A night by her shores.

Ruby lipstick hue,

Her silk wet against my skin,

A night by her lure.

Fair lady ocean,

The moon reveals her soft soul,

Sank my heavy feet,

The salt of her blood,

Washes my sorrows away,

A night in her cure.

Till An All Time Love.

2008-08-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

My fair friend, wherefore wander off
By one's lonesome in gift of mine,
Dost thou not favour my summer's throb?
However succinct, or short-lined.
Alas! My imbrue'd summer freed her rose,
Thereafter in sorry clouds pule'd her lost,
By nightfall thy scent could only nurse
Nature's wounds through thy prettiness.
Your song tarried along th' silver lake,
I begged her stay, for she hath thy voice,
Thou art th' comely music by my bed;
From th' dew of thy eyne my field bemoist'd.
More than our fancy, is our yearning;
More than our fire, is my fond of thee.

~

This is for nurse Jean. And, this is the song playing over and over in the background while I wrote it: Will Young's All Time Love. (:

Happy Birthday Vans.

2008-08-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

Shake Shake Shake

Shuffle Shuffle Shake Shake

POPS

Shuffle

Shake Shake

POPS

Shake Shuffle Shake

Happy Birthday Vanessa!

POPS

Shake Shake

POPS

Gees this photo looks kind of sombre but still very adorable, makes me wanna carry her and feed her congee and wipe her mouth. HAHA.

2008-08-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

Leave me with my dirty ways,
Rub not th' filth off here,
Smear'd e'er from my early days,
Sub not my vulgar pitter-patter.
'Cause I have been too gentle,
With my pretty words and phrases,
Distracting from the cold & bitter,
Failing to satisfy all your senses.
What is your deepest pain?
The church digs it out of me.

I do not know why I wrote this. What does it mean?

You Are an "A-OK"

Your life philosophy can be summed up as, "Whatever will be, will be."

Your greatest wish is to live each day a little better than the next.

You are naturally calm and stable. Some people would call you a rock.

You feel one with the world. You are a spiritual person, though no one who knows you would guess it.

What Hand Gesture Are You?

Okay like that can.

And The Good Times Ended.

2008-07-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

A rather eccentric but lovely video titled 'Pulch: The Good Times' :

And meet Salad Fingers! And the simple joys of her world.

And I Can't Let Go Of Your Hand.

2008-07-27T03:20:00.000-07:00

I used to look at my deflated pillow,

And pick th' strands of long hair,

__________________________________

___________________________________

________________________________

_________________________________

________________________________

__________________________________

_________________________________

________________________________

__________________________________

________________________________

And I can't let go of your hand.

~

And I can't write anything. Cheers to that.

26th of December.

2008-07-26T02:13:00.000-07:00

Was a beautiful day

But you ran away

And took her away

Th' beautiful you

And th' lovely day

She wouldn't stay

You wouldn't stay

But worse of all

You wouldn't say

Why you ran away

Why you ran away

You did not sway

Didn't let me say

Sweet nothings

To make you stay

By refusing to say

Why you ran away

And you let it lay

Untouched

Unexplained

Let th dust lay

Cover our past away

And went to play

My heart's not clay

Molded back

When torn away

Like that

You thought this way

Gone be 26th of December

Which was a beautiful day

But you ran away

And took her away

Th' beautiful you

And th' lovely day

She would not stay

You would not stay

But worse of all

You would not say

Why you ran away

Why you ran away

Away From The Snakes & The Liars.

2008-07-24T02:50:00.000-07:00

Check David Sides out on Youtube!

Timbaland ft.OneRepublic- Apologize Piano cover.

Apparently this particular cover made him famous. He covered a great deal of songs from Omarion to Coldplay and many more songs you did not expect you could fall asleep to.

Tim Fite also has a song that is pretty addictive:

Away From The Snakes.

Heavens to Betsy, the man's out to get me.
He's raisin my rent, and takin my money.
While the rich get rich, us poor dont get shit.
except shit on by rich men, and shit on by women,
and shit on by everyone shitting.

Is there a place where I can go,
Away from the snakes and the liars.

Heavens to Betsy, the man's out to get me.
He's fuckin my wife while he's counting my money.
While the rich get rich, us poor dont get shit.
except shit on by rich men who shit on their women.

Is there a place where I can go, away from the snakes and the liars.
Down by the lake where the wild wind blows.
Free from the weight of desire.

Is there a place where I can go?
Where the rich dont get rich, and the poor dont get shit on,
By everyone shitting.

-Lyrics adapted from 'http://www.timfite.com/images/graphix/lyricsGifs/slideshow//slide_16.gif'

Coldplay.

2008-07-23T01:59:00.000-07:00

The scientist spills her confection,
It was all yellow; her provisions,
Don't panic, whispered his green eyes,
Everything's not lost under these broken lights;
And broken clocks that hung low in space.
Come, pampered princess sit in my place,
Tonight I will fix you first instead,
Don't be in such a rush & quietly wait
For a message I only dreamt to sing,
On the chilly thoroughfares of Amsterdam,
Where we sat on the strawberry swing,
Now I can only say be careful where you stand;
Lost amongst death and all his friends.
Now your heart's beating at th' speed of sound,
Your royal violet hill swallow'd in the sea,
Living your crazy life you had had thy crown,
Now thy love resides in London's cemeteries.
I will see you soon back in our palace,
When God puts a smile upon your face.

~

I believe Coldplay has had a great influence on many of my entries and writings because their songs play constantly in the background when I write. They relieve me of my mental blocks. This is just a simple poem written with many of their song titles(how many can you spot?), and with their music playing all the way in the background for the past hour I have been doing this.

Cheers to Coldplay!

Rainy Days & Mondays.

2008-07-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I allowed myself to be caught in the bustle of the peak hour. Honestly I have hated being in the commotion and ruckus the peak hour crowd creates on the trains and buses. Perhaps I am a social introvert. I have always skillfully avoided using the public transport during the rush hour. I would walk home instead if I had to squeeze and shuffle on the bus ride- unless I looked and smelled exceptionally good that day. Oh well, on Friday I had to take the bus loaded with working adults and schooling kids- I belong to neither of these two classes. Once again I felt the social pressure pestering me when an old man had to stand three seats away and nobody is giving up their places for him. But I did not want to create a fuss and pull the old man over to my seat in the crowd. Cognitive dissonance; how troublesome, I thought. In the end I just turned my head towards the sky and try to make out what form the clouds are taking this time.

I need to live frugally. I realise while I am aware of the trend on consumption nowadays; where people are buying things they do not need with money they may not even have, I cannot escape the rising cost of living. And, it is easier to spend money than ever before. Consumer Capitalism. Mmh.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/main.htm is a nice place to set you thinking. I stumbled upon it while watching a video on atheistic values on Youtube. And, I got interested since it was Jia Xin's msn nick and somehow I always find out what her nickname really means after a while by incident. I guess I need to pay more attention to her.

I used to think the Carpenters is some modern indie band like the Artic Monkeys. But then I only found out this year the sing a lot of my favourite songs like Rainy Days & Mondays and Close To You and Yesterday Once More and Sometimes and the list goes on. Like the Beatles, their music have a timeless appeal. I think I have got to stop being so oblivious and read the papers more often. If nobody reads the news anymore and everyone is just minding their own business I think the world will be boring like a duck. But, will it know peace then?

I like the smell of mud and the huge canal that runs outside my place.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix/ Sri Chinmoy Ghose

Quiet Days & Cold Ham.

2008-06-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

These few months have been rather passive and slothful for me, following my decision to withdraw from school. I have not been attending classes ever since the third semester began. You know, I believe I am of a person who listens closely to the heart rather than the voices around me(stubborn as it may sound). Because I trust my heart is young enough to decide; and I would rather do nothing else if I am not doing the things I love. Of course I love being in the study of Mass Communication; I love being able to do print-journalism; I enjoy the long bus rides and the random drop-offs to eat great food at casual places. But, it is taking a toil on me sometimes: The hectic schedule, the expenses, the emotional and mental drain. I thought I should take a break and soothe the troubles within and around me.

Perhaps if it were 3 years back I would have been disgusted at the thought of being a drop-out. I used to detest them and classify them as failures who are not able to persevere hard enough. But now that I have become a drop-out myself, I wonder if it is just self-denial or a big ego: I do not feel that I have failed anywhere in my learning or my quest in understanding various and many things in this life.

It is too bad that I have stopped schooling under the guardianship of my godfather. It may have put him in the bad light and I am sorry for that. He had resolve to change me into a better person. But the truth is, the moment I left my father's home in a bid to find a peace of mind; a piece of mine, it has been me for myself. There is no cause to seek an immediate or ultimate change in me as I never feel there was an urgent need to in the first place. Instead, all I needed was some shelter and a lot of food. The fact is, living with my godfather never really made me any lazier or otherwise. If there were anything influential about him is that there is a certain goodness and honesty in him that radiates so readily every moment. He is indeed one of the kindest soul and most patient man I have ever seen. And, I must admit, this same kind of graciousness can be found in many of my relatives; even my father's eyes reflect a very kindhearted nature, which is a quality I should inherit and emulate.

Despite gaining an impressive amount of weight these few months, I have become a happier person. My heart have since become lighter too. I throughly take delight in the quiet and peaceful days; wholemeal bread with cold ham and cheese. A good few hours read of my ever favourite Sherlock Homles is indeed unwinding and enjoyable. Although I feel that my plan to enjoy some tranquility has backfired; because apparently my flow of pocket money has seized to continue since I have stopped schooling. Perhaps my relatives do not see the point of supporting me anymore since their purpose to do so in the first place was to see me to school without having much financial difficulty. However it means I have to slog and work for some money of my own, which defeats the whole purpose of me having stopped school in the first place! Nevertheless, I thank them so very much for their support and apologise if I have somehow disappointed them.

So here I am; living my quiet, boring, penniless days without a care in the world.

joie de vivre.

Hot & Cold Worries.

2008-05-25T01:59:00.000-07:00

I had this sudden craving for a chilled cup of Milo last night. I dumped the 3 in 1 Nestle Milo powder into the glass and added perhaps four tablespoons of syrupy condensed milk (I wondered if adding condensed milk was necessary since it was already a 3 in 1 powder packet). Then I dispensed hot water into the cup and stirred the sweet-smelling bubbling chocolate-coloured drink. Wala, my wonderful cup of Milo almost ready to indulge- except that it was not chilled. Moreover, it was a exasperatingly warm night for me. I went over to the freezer to get some ice but, there were not any! Now, this is where a problem, which I have struggled with all my life, begins:

I reckon many instincts is to chill the delicious Milo by placing it in the freezer. I proceeded to do exactly that and then wait patiently/impatiently. After what felt like a long enough while- considering how freezing(for the lack of a better word) the freezer is- I eagerly popped open the refrigerator and brought the cup to my yearning lips. The coffee cup was cold but alas, the Milo was at a mere room temperature as I sipped on it. I put down the cup back into the disappointing box of cold air. I could not give up the idea of savoring a cup of icy cold Milo in such a warm and sticky night. Therefore I waited for a longer period- or what felt like a longer period. But once again the tonic drink was not cold enough for my anticipated ultimated experience. By the third or fourth pop of the freezer, there would be less than three-quarters of Milo left.

The problem is this: I would then go on to do other stuffs to distract myself from the drink so that I do not persistently open and close and open the freezer door, and I would then forget all about it! By the time I remember and rush to get my drink, it would have already turned into a block of ice! I would think: Dang it! Not again!?!

Later that night I heated up some chicken wings in the microwave. In less than a minute the dish was crackling and the gravy seemed to be spurting all over the insides of the microwave as if it was boiling. I hurriedly took the bowl of steaming chicken out and went into my room. And guess what! The dish was still cold on the inside, to the point that my teeth hurt as it sank into the meat. But i was so hungry I could not bother to re-heat it. After that I tried having sliced raisin loaf filled with more raisins inside and it was not a very brilliant idea.

And do you know that a mere wall separates my bedroom and the refrigerator? The wall becomes very warm! It turns my room into an oven! It is completely different when you live inside a fridge and behind it.

Ahh, I believe what i have just done is RANT. haha. I should once in a while.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
-Bongo Bob!

I Should Tell You. But You Should Never Know.

2008-05-14T22:00:00.000-07:00

How troubadours compose my woes;

And singers cry out my blues,

How th' night heist'd my light;

And th' walls echo my plight.

How your every tender fondle,

Bore every affection's sigil.

But mayhap less than meets the eye,

Is this false fantasy of mine;

As I build my castles in th' air,

And hid my love secretly there.

Now I wonder and wonder,

If you too built your secret castle,

Then I should tell you so,

But, then again you should never know.

Now when did you last let your heart decide?

Oh Pamela.

2008-05-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

Hath th' sun joy'd in thee?
Thou art a daffodil's gold,
E'er sweet;
That relish of thy honey skin,
And e'er pure as th' driven snow.
But cold! Cold were thy eyne,
Whom seek only th' red rainbows;
And behold beyond blues of mine.
Alas, cast thou away th' shadows!
And dost drown th' gulf betwixt,
Whereupon warm summer blooms;
As fledglings peck at leaves & twigs
And back to their warm summer rooms.
It 're dense winds rushing uswards;
Like rose syrup beneath melted words.

Mmh. I spent 3 days doing this because i got lost after the word 'snow' appeared. Anyhow, it is for Pamela; a long lost friend. We met during 1500B.C when she was still a dinosaur.

A Little Better.

2008-04-16T03:22:00.000-07:00

It was all a blunder, little-

By little floundered,

Love was a slayer,

Kill'd in the battle,

Kill'd by your warrior,

But she was a harper,

Her music heals the bitter,

I could have ran further,

But the heart had faltered,

I could have got closer,

But the moment is over,

I would prefer the latter,

It sounds a little better,

We are, after all,

the dreamers of dreams.

School has started! Kind of dreading it but i should work hard! But first, I have to wake up in two hours time for class. (._.')

fair from fair.

2008-03-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

At the distance, in an instance,

Thy mystery waxed likest a floweret;

So did th' unfamiliarity from thee,

As thou art gently kiss'd,

Unto th' morning's dreamy mist.

Wellaway, thy traits cloud withal,

Begetting them wit shrouded & sore'd,

Thou art the fog born with th' dawn,

Blearing,

Muddling,

Cloying,

Endearing,

My fair maiden,

O my mysterious love.

Sloppy ending? Can't really write nowadays! *shrugs.

My birthday is tomorrow! WOOHOO!

Unfound Woe.

2008-02-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

One windy Monday, I sat there- beside the buspark, with my wallet misplaced a moment ago. I was sucking cigarette after cigarette because I was rather unhappy about the lost. After a while, it felt like i was living off the charity of the blind man singing on the walkway; relying on his strumming guitar to soothe my troubled afternoon:

One singing hour,

Just three clanks,

Into his metal-

Clank. Clank. Clank.

But he smiles for every,

He sings not for money,

Clink. Clink. Clink.

He takes me in,

Into his metal,

And it went--

Clank. Clank. Clank.

My gold is a fool's,

I had an unfound, unneeded woe.

Barbie Dolls.

2008-02-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

I never thought seriously about being a male, or rather about being a male in the society. But, I always knew guys and girls are different; not just biologically, of course. On a subconscious level, I seem to have left my nails and hair short because I am a guy. On a conscious level, I tell myself I have to let the lady beside me go first. What is gender and, what does it mean? Brannon (2005) defines gender as a ‘social label’ instead of a description of biology, and this includes characteristics that the culture ascribes to each sex and the sex-related characteristics that individuals assign to themselves. (p.15) For me, gender is a role, and this role is largely defined by the culture you are born into. Masculinity can be understood as a set of role behaviors that most men are encouraged to perform. (Kilmartin, 2000, p.20) And, this set of behaviors might vary from culture to culture. Therefore, the gender of a particular person can allow or limit opportunities for him or her because of gender typing, which is a process of associating things, activities or occupations with males or females. (Brannon, 2005, p.160) For example, a lady might get an administrative job easily because women are seen more neat and organized. However, a guy who cares well for others might struggle with the thought of becoming a nurse because his society portrays nurses as females only.

I will be discussing how my gender has shaped the norms I abide by. Norms are rules for accepted and expected behavior. Norms describe ‘proper’ behavior; what most other people do, what is deemed normal. For example, it has become a norm for everyone to have footwear outdoors, thus most people conform to this norm even though they might not find any reason to do so.

There was one incident I remembered very vividly because it made me go against a society’s norm. I was on a date with my girlfriend, Amy, and we were strolling along the crowded streets of Orchard Road. She then complained of a sore foot and demanded I switched my pair of sport shoes with her high heels (only later did I found out she got the awe-ful idea from a Korean romance movie). I agreed to let her have my shoes but said I will carry her heels instead. The thought of having to wear her heels was cringe-worthy enough. Being full of mischief, she would not speak to me unless I wear her heels. Finally I decided to give in, and there I was, teetering beside her, mortified. Everyone was either staring or giggling at me. Some even looked in disgust. Only then I realised society even has its own set of rules for clothing and footwear for each gender and trying to go against it will cause so much discomfort --considering how much my feet hurt that night, too.

The norms I abide by are thoroughly shaped by gender because society has its own set of rules for clothing and even artefacts for each sex. Because of social expectations for dress codes, I am displaced once I go against these rules- being in a ‘female’ outfit.

In conclusion, I feel that even though some norms can create order and might be useful, people should be more open-minded about norms set for gender. There is too much of a pressure to conform because those who go against the conventional are ‘punished’ and, their will to express themselves freely is destroyed.

I want to dance in your heels,
Sway in your skirt,
I want to know how it feels,
To have breasts under my shirt.

I want to smile in your lipstick,
Dream in your long hair,
I want to know all your tricks,
To have men ogling everywhere.

I want to love in your skin,
Sing in your voice,
Because deep down within,
If I had a choice,

I would have been a girl.
I know I am a girl.

References:

Brannon, L. (2005). Gender: psychological perspectives. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

Kilmartin, C.T. (2000) The masculine self. New York: McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Home.

2008-01-30T23:43:00.000-08:00

The days i was not looking,

But needed some warmth,

I found it in my pockets.

Can i ever find a home?

A Pig Problem.

2008-01-14T23:56:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been described to as anything related to a pig? If you did, it would be safe to guess it was a bad comment regarding some unpleasant attributes you have had. It is saddening that most people employ the pig as a metaphor for dirtiness, gluttony, stupidity and, insensitivity; however, pigs are exactly the opposite of such claims and, do have many good characteristics and habits. Firstly, let us look at some of the pigs’ connotations in common phrases. As far as I know, society’s perception and attitude toward pigs have become embedded in some ugly phrases: (Masson, 2003, p.31) Expressions like ‘He eats like a pig’ or ‘dirty as a pig’ indicate dreadful qualities like poor table manners and poor hygiene. (Wehrli, 2002, para. 1) The truth is that pigs exhibit many characteristics that we oursleves aim to achieve. For starters, do you know that pigs are actually gregarious and sociable creatures? (Masson, 2003, p.19) Next, the false claim that pigs are gluttons may actually be caused by domestic farmers force-feeding their pigs. (Masson, 2003, p.38) In fact, Burnie (1993) observes that pigs in the wild ‘rarely overeats’ and have ‘curiously slender legs’. (p.232) In terms of cleanliness and hygiene, Seve (n.d) points out in her article that pigs are one of the cleanest animals around and ‘refus[es] to excrete anywhere near their living or eating areas when given a choice.’ (para. 1) Lastly, in a book written by Masson (2003), he noted many encounters he had with pigs and concludes that pigs are sensitive animals which respond and interact with humans, and are very intelligent creatures indeed. Therefore, despite the pig’s reputation for being unhygenic, unintelligent, and insensitive, pigs actually have a knack for hygiene, are highly intelligent and, lead rich emotional lives.

Let us first look at how pigs are actually cleaner animals than we might have thought. Pigs are hygenic based on 3 observed behaviours: They make a constant effort to keep their residence clean, keep themselves cleared from flies and parasites, and are fastidious in their diet. Pigs do their best to keep their place of residence clean by defecating only in a specific area rather than in random areas (Wood, 1994, p.15) (I find this interestingly similar to how we have toilets in our homes to particularly excrete our waste). Also, pigs excrete faraway from their homes and eating places to prevent contamination of their food and home. (Seve, n.d, para. 1) Secondly, pigs protect themselves from flies and parasites by rolling in mud. (Menon, 2003, p.64) Menon (2003) however realises that such a behaviour by the pigs gave them a murky look and thus gave an impression that pigs are dirty, which is quite the contrary. (p.64) Finally, pigs are fastidious in their diet and do pay careful attention to their food. Masson (2003) illustrates this by saying pigs will sniff and nibble at food that seem strange or unusual. (p.21) That is to say, pigs do not gobble up everything in their sight. A pig’s diet is also said to contain a large variety of fruits and 90% of their food is plant-based. (Masson, 2003, p.21) This goes to show the pig do not only stick to one kind of food but continuously search for more kinds of food to mantain its healthy diet.

The above mentioned behaviours of pigs may remotely hint that they are intelligent creatures but one may not be convinced just as yet. However, pigs can be proved highly intelligent animals due to their natural behaviors and learning abilities. The wild Bush Pig, for example, will tail chimpanzees ‘in order to take advantage of the fruit they drop from the trees.’ (Hayward, Boyd & Shaw, 2005, p.59) Romanes (2005) also discovers that wild swines ‘exhibits a degree of intelligence… [as] they manifest [a] kind of sagacious co-operation in facing an enemy…’ (p.339) In addition to that, Page (1999) states that ‘pigs are just as intelligent as dogs in any animal-IQ scale.’ (p.48) This is further proved by cases of pigs having learnt many tasks. Hamlin (2007) writes about how a particular pig he encountered is always ‘interacting with various objects, performing…’ (para. 8) All these evidently portray the intellectual capacity of pigs.

Now that we understand pigs do have the ability to think in an intelligent way, can they be in any way emotional? The thought that pigs live rich emotional lives is shown in 3 ways: Their fondness of company, their like for a variety of enjoyable activities and, their display of affection for other pigs and even humans. As we already know, pigs are gregarious and sociable. (Masson, 2003, p.19) They travel in groups called sounders (family of a sow and her offsprings). (Burnie, 1993, p.232) Furthermore, Masson (2003) also observes that pigs gather for warmth and ‘assemble together in desfense of each other.’ (p.31) In Wood’s (1994) book about rearing Pot-bellied pigs, he also comments that pigs ‘enjoy the attention and affection of their human companions.’ (p.2) Moreover, Masson (2003) thinks that piglets, like kids, thrive on affection; pigs are fond of play (they chase each other, play-fight, play-love), and have short attention spans just like children. (pp. 19-20) Lastly, pigs can be seen expressing friendship to other pigs, and in a variety of ways too. Interaction and affection are displayed at instances when pigs greet each other. They welcome one another snout to snout and sometimes even elicit ‘love grunts’ which Masson (2003) notes. (p.20) Such passionate ‘love grunts’ is even experienced by humans when interacting with the pig. (Masson, 2003, p.49) Many people have noticed many common porcine emotions when living with these pigs. Signs of contentment, happiness, love, grief, fear, and anger are detected on a daily basis. (Masson, 2003, p.50) It is surprising such an animal, which is slaughtered and consumed without second thoughts, leads a rich emotional life much like us.

Every time we savour our plate of pork for dinner, do we ever think about the pigs’ lives at the farm they were reared in? I reckon not. But, now that we know that pigs do have a high level of consciousness, it is depressing how domestic pigs are getting crippled and sick due to neglect and ill-treatment in terms of farming techniques and, the farmer’s disregard of the pig’s well being. (Page, 1999, p.48) Undesirable farming techniques is used such as keeping the pigs ‘routinely sedated amd kept in the dark or semidark giant sheds’ so that all they can do is eat and sleep for 23 hours a day. (Masson, 2003, p.38) The pigs are deprived of their joyfulness and their love for exploration. This is worsened by having farmers cutting their tails, removing their teeth and, fattening them till they can hardly move. (Masson, 2003, p.38) Furthermore, the pig’s love for hygiene is ruined by being forced to excrete their waste in their sleeping place. (Masson, 2003, p.38) Secondly, pigs suffer high levels of stress much due to the farmer’s negligence. The pigs are denied straw bedding because farmers find it too expensive. (Masson, 2003, p.39) Masson (2003) also notes that the mother pigs ‘showed all signs of mourning’ for their loss babies, which are removed only 3 weeks after birth. (p.39) Now,having known how much trauma the pig has to go through just to fill our stomachs, does it call for us to justify our actions and our conscience? We have cleared many unwelcome misconceptions we have of the pig and understood that a pig is just as intelligent as any pet dog; the next time you are being described to as a pig, perhaps you might just want thank that person for likening you to such an amazing creature.

References:

Burnie, D. (1993). Animal. New York: Dorling Kindersley Private Limited.

Hamlin, D. (2007). Hog genius: the amazing pig. Retrieved January 14, 2008 from http://ngcblog.nationalgeographic.com/ngcblog/2007/11/hog_genius_the_
amazing_pig.html

Hayward, K., Boyd, P. & Shaw, E. (2005) Mammal. New York: Dorling Kindersley Private Limited.

Masson, J.M. (2003). The pig who sang to the moon. New York: Randon House, Inc.

Menon, V. (2003). A guide to indian mammals. India: Dorling Kindersley Private Limited.

Page, G. (1999). Inside the animal mind. New York: Randon House, Inc.

Romanes, J. G. (2005). Animal intelligence. London: Kagan Paul Trench & Co.

Seve, K. D. (n.d). The joy of pigs: Smart, clean and lean. . Retrieved January 14, 2008 from http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/pigs/smart.html

Wehrli, C. (2002). Passionate pigs: Cruelty cuts to the bone. Retrieved January 14, 2008 from http://www.euroveg.eu/lang/en/news/magazine/2002-1-c-passionate.php

Wood, D.K. (1994). Pot-bellied pigs. New Jersey: Yearbooks, Inc.

Climbing Leaves.

2008-01-07T03:19:00.000-08:00

There sat th' green bush --

With her red & yellow tints,

Her whispers blown away.

The jaded lady smiles

With her trembling vermeil lips,

The wind chill'd her tears.

Her ringlet of hair

Like tendrils of climbing leaves,

Burnt but undying.

Twining slow-

Strangling the roots slow,

Heart of hers.

Ahh, finally i manage to write something.

Hello everyone, is it the new year already? Weird. I thought Christmas should come first. Never mind, it will eventually.

The Chinese Lady.

2007-12-21T16:28:00.000-08:00

The smell of her lipstick

Along the brittle porcelain;

Is a taste that can break,

Like redolence on the tongue.

But, spit it all out.

Because it cuts deep,

And it hurts further down.

There she is!

The Chinese lady,

With her sanguine smile.

And her sultry corselette.

The poison in her silk.

Yawn yawn yawn yawn. I have been sleeping for the past 7 days straight. I wake up at weird hours, eat to my heart's content, and go back to sleep for the next 12 hours again. Ignoring missed calls and on-line messages, because i cannot tell reality apart from dreams anymore. Dirty plates splatter around my bed, along with empty bottles of peanut butter and cartons of milk.

There is this profound disorientation within me right now. And, it feels amazing not to know what date or day it is anymore.

^^

Sieze th' Day.

2007-11-27T22:34:00.000-08:00

What if today,

Is th' last day,

Of all days,

What'd you do today?

If you could dance,

You would.

What if i lost today?

And leave it fading fast

In its witless wake.

I would dance,

If I could.

Today is th' day

We capture her,

And unhurriedly say:

It is th' end of th' world.

Seize th' day.

And dance it away.

Commitment.

2007-11-20T05:07:00.000-08:00

What is a candle,

Without her wax?

Usher'd is th' fire,

But it would not kindle.

What am i,

After my wrench?

Brought forth is th' fervor,

But it would not kindle.

What is love,

Without her pledge?

Begotten is th' other,

But it would not enkindle.

The warmth is dead,

Even as sparks fly.

My deepest apologies, fleeting romance.

She Makes No Noise.

2007-11-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

She is

too kind

One of

a kind

But too

too kind

If only

she spoke

her mind

What is

on her mind?

She offers

no signs

She makes

no noise.

Example POD Paragragh.

2007-11-16T14:27:00.000-08:00

Imagine if there are dinosaurs still roaming amongst us, what will you think of that? There are 3 harmless dinosaurs that I will not mind if they are still trampling in the wild. Firstly, it is the Protoceratops. This bulky dinosaur walks on fours and has a parrot-like beak. It is tame and feeds only on fruits and vegetables. Next is the Triceratops, which is very similar to the Rhinoceros. With three horns on its face and large bony plate projecting from the back of its skull, it is also an herbivore feeding as a primary consumer; it does not eat meat. Then there is Barney the friendly purple dinosaur- the one i saw on Kids Central. Barney sings with little children and I do not think he ever eats.

At First Sight.

2007-11-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

Ben spied at Tim through the corner of his bronze Pepsi branded spectacles, with an opened book held by his thick fingers. His stare snapped back onto the brown pages the moment Tim began to raise an eye.

Ben is definitely shy.

Ben heaved a quiet sigh, as he lifted his bulky body off the wrinkled sofa. He headed towards the glass exit of Gelare, and stole a glance at Tim while moving pass his table. Ben's clenched heart jumped a beat; Tim was actually smiling at him. Ben blushed. His eagerness grew, but so did their distance as Ben carried on making his leave.

He could not be, Ben thought.

Ben stepped into the warm early noon outside. He squinted, and squeezed his face at the sun's light even though he did not need to. He removed his red packet of L&M cigarettes and slided out a stick, placed it between his lips and clicked the lighter as he sucked at its fire.

'Care to spare a stick?' A voice asked from Ben's blind spot.

It was Tim, still smiling.

Everytime i look at those group photos, my eyes beheld for myself with instinct. But my glance became downcast as i realise i was not there- again.

2007-11-03T22:34:00.000-07:00

It clearly attest to my constant absence. It makes me feel that i have never been around, and that they are merely witnesses to the apparitions of my being.

But i love love love my class.

My shadow is in there. Somewhere.

From th' King's Yard.

2007-11-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

O! my adore'd, rich mellow memories,

Have you come to remember?

The wistful falls back, soft unto thee.

It was not the loudest,

Nor the most tireless.

But muted as it came to us,

Or so it tried; it just-

Tears me asunder.

As i recollect the pieces,

Now lapped by the dust of time.

Her cheek still dent with my supple kisses.

We are trapped in a rewind,

So sweet but never cloys.

For you, my friend.

There Could Have Been A Hint.

2007-10-28T16:29:00.000-07:00

'That's what she said.'

"She likes you."

'Nay, I like her.'

"There could have been a hint."

'There could have been a hint.'

And he stared vacantly. Not dejected. But sunken, unwilling to entertain hope; it is too menacing. Pathetic. Especially for such a young face, and an even younger age.

He thinks little of himself, and that of whatever she said. Not really what she had to convey, really. Too much consciousness- you might assume- stumbling all imminent desires. But, passion is for aye.

There could have been a hint, they insisted.

There could have been a hint, he wished silently.

He should have the sense to recognise.

Naked In Th' Sea.

2007-10-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

I can guess better than you reason,

As you catch th' next chilling wave,

Plashing off your ample bosom;

Numbing you of all your bothers.

Shivering out fits of giggles.

But, grief runs deep. Like salt in th' dense wind.

Is this freedom, dear'st lady?

Stripped off all anguish & despair,

As you swim naked in th' sea.

Drench'd is that lengthy sable hair.

But, not her heart. Not in th' sea, at least.

Oh my i am having my first tutorial for Social Psychology and Written Communication tomorrow- ALL OVER AGAIN. Feels lousy and silly to repeat modules. Oh well, all i can hope for is that i pass this time round.

Augh.

On Th' Qui Vive.

2007-10-14T05:58:00.000-07:00

Betimes thy pinion can but fly'st,
Wit' orbs glistering gay,
Fluttering amidst azure skies,
Ev'r & anon in canny's daze;
An angel watchful, methought & I ask'd.
O nightingales' warble ceases not,
Thou diest not wit' th' dusk;
That doth fade gently unto gloaming soft.
'Tis merry esteem to th' sparrows' quiver;
Likest th' mirth to blue jays' perch,
This joy- thou dost same- ne'er doth wither,
Nor th' infants' laughter urge.
Thou mayst pigeons or doves,
Chasing feathers each and in love.

Juat a passing thought, pregnant in my mind; unable to be conceived. That birds never die of old age. That they are guardains instead.

Or am i?

'One Double Chin Please, Yes, Upsize Of Course.'

2007-10-08T02:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Carbohydrate:

I have been trying to hide from you ever since people started to believe i do not have a neck anymore. And they thought i swallowed a rubber tyre which ended up forever around my waist. I hope you can understand how annoying it is when the first remark that comes out from everyone's lips is how fat i have gotten.

But, you are everywhere to me. You are presiding in my favourite Katong Laksa, Hainanese chicken rice, Sunhine Fruit & Grain bread, Seafood fried rice, Kway Chap, Roti prata with a sunny side up, Mee goreng mixed with lots of ketchup, baked pasta with creamy mushrooms, yellow French fries dipped in thick curry sauce, cheesy pizzas topped with capsicums and minced beef, bricks of instant noodles with a million kinds of salty seasoning, pancakes soaked in maple syrup, cookies submerged in full cream milk, cheesecake coated with blueberry jam, cold Japanese Sushi regardless if the seaweed is crispy or not, bags of potato chips, peanut butter sandwiches, century-egg congee with ginger slices. So potent in that steaming bowl of sweet polished rice which can go with anything else, if not eaten on its own.

Phew.

Are you sure you are not in my stick of tobacco?

I am sorry that i have to abstain from you- most of the time-for now. Do not worry once i am not overweight i shall indulge yet again. Please do not give up on me. I love you.

Gobbles & Pig Out,

Welsonn.

Warmth Of Feeling.

2007-10-04T03:39:00.000-07:00

Family. Friends. Lovers.

It is different when you watch from the sidelines. It is, however, cosy and wondrous to try engaging in all those emotions invoked. Of course, it is still totally discrete. Like, a goldfish bathing in her bowl will never know how her dish looks like from the outside world unless, well, unless.

I have been a witness to many loving families, where great care and fondness is constantly demonstrated. In fact, I am living amidst a delightful family- one that, sadly and, to a certain extent; i cannot call my very own. I am grateful that my uncle Randall and aunt Jasmine have taken me in, provided me a home and perhaps for once allow me to feel the endearments of a family. And, i appreciate all my relatives' support in helping me manage through my schooling days. I always tell others my family may not be perfect, but, my family tree with all her extended branches stands tall and magnificent and very fruitful indeed- considering how many cousins i have, too.

The spine bracing my weak self is made up of my group of handsome friends. Which i hope will continue to be great companions in decades to come and, realise many aspirations together.

Ahh, lovers evoke plenty of that tingling fuzzy warmth too. But, come and gone. Sometimes it fizzles out.

Fair lady be not austere,
Adorn thyself with rich dressings,
Take care thy salad days gone afore,
Where thou ballet with twist and zealing.
Mayhap just one, i should hope,
Oft would burst forth such soft light,
Basking in such besottedness, par amour.
Salvaged from th' ravages of thy plight.
Lackaday, too many held too frail,
Now no more to nurse and thrill.
Ifsoever thy come forth willing,
Come prepared not, come undone,
Revel in this warmth of feeling,
For th' good of lovers; prithee, just one.

The Bright & Hopeful.

2007-09-28T22:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it is all in the mind. If i place another cup of water filled to the brim next to the half full/empty cup with a nice green on it, and you decided right away the latter is half full; how merry you are.

Can we ever be too sanguine?

Trees are always half dead. Shirts are always stained. Hearts are broken into two without fail. All the time we fall short of one more penny.

Yet we are consistently half done. Half awake in the morning's smile. We are not that gloomy after all.

I am so half alive from working. haha i found something i wrote on my Wordpress blog some time ago. Was reading some Enid Blyton's children book and, i summarised it into a poem:

Tubby Makes A Mistake:

When night falls,
toys come out to play
While we slumber and snore
the night away.

Now somewhere on the window ledge,
behind the long pink curtains there
lied a bottle of delicious biscuits!
And Tubby was a hungry bear.

So whilst all the toys were deep in siesta,
Tubby climbs up the long pink curtains!
Placed his paws into the biscuit jar,
who’d have guess what else happened!

Mommy realised the missing biscuits eventually,
and quizzed the children if they had stolen them.
Now all the toys frowned in the nursery,
they knew it must have been some toy,
from their own gang!

Ah, there was a clever witty clown,
seeing that nobody was around;
slipped up to the windowsill.
Placed those sticky gluey mistletoe berries!
So when the thief sneaks up to steal,
wala! The tacky berries will be stuck to his body!

Sure enough Tubby felt greedy again that night,
hauled up to the tasty snack.
The mistletoe berries did stick to him alright!
As clueless Tubby made his way back.

Ah hah!
How the toys exposed Tubby the berry next day!
And how they made poor Tubby pay.
They smacked, slapped, biff and whacked,
to help get those gummy berries off.
Tubby hid his face in his hands and wept.

From then,
Tubby never ever stole
You should have seen his look when he sees a mistletoe!

- Inspired by ‘Tubby Makes a Mistake‘ by Enid Blyton in ‘The Cuckoo in the Clock and other stories.’

The Purpose Driven.

2007-09-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

I forgot when was the last time i went out with a girl. Like, just a young lady and i. Shows, dinner, walks, laughter, awkward silences, you know. Random nights out with Charlene to watch her cry and complain about her boyfriend does NOT count. She was my neighbour/ classmate/ confidant.

Perhaps it was last year then. And, last night.

Went to watch a Dance performance by NUS with Florence yesterday, at the Cultural Centre for the Arts. It was all right. Not totally captivating or powerful, but not bad.

Then we went to have dinner at Vivo City and watched 881. !!. 881 is prepossessing, peaceful and chaotic at times. Adorably funny but relates in a different way from Jack Neo's flims. Finally, something different; refreshing.

By then it was already 2am. Then we lazed around and chit chat till 6 plus in the morning, when we could already see ah mas having their morning walk. Chirpings, traffic and the bustle, neighbourhood coming alive.

Haha Flo is a delight.

After Florence went home i had breakfast at some random coffee shop at Potong Pasir, next to the MRT station. I saw people walking briskly, going off to work. People with a certain destination in their morning, with a definite direction; a goal to achieve, you might say.

What is your purpose in life?

I believe life would be meaningless without a higher power. The actions we do would hold no significance if not for a greater cause. All our plans and dreams would seem pointless if at the end of the day we just die and we decompose into the earth and become nutrients for the daisies dancing in the breeze. If the purpose of our existence is to turn graveyards into fertile and blooming gardens, then.. then... amen.

Perhaps it seldom cross our minds. Every day we are racing and competing against everything and everyone. Trying to do better, striving to win. But for what purpose? How relevant and sensible is our motives and deeds and, how well can you justify it if all you are is a dying body waiting to be consumed by the world?

But even those who go to churches or wherever, who sing praises to the devine, how much of what they do is done for a higher cause and not for themselves?

Enlighten me.

I cannot see the air that i breathe, but i trust it is there, because i am alive. And i wonder why i do not place the same faith on God, however much alive i feel.

I should just continue walking 25% slower than everyone.

O Ruby Ruby Hurt No More.

2007-09-15T01:54:00.000-07:00

O Ruby would you hurt no more?
Would you seek solace not in agony,
Cuts & bruises & burns & sores?

Come dance, and hold fast onto me.

'Cause i will wrap our arms around us,
Grab your hands and spring nowhere,
Than have your wrists bleed to nothingness.
Than have you pull so hard at your hair.

O Ruby would you,
Empty yourself no more?
Th' only splendor;
Only beauty is in your eyes.
Which cannot go anymore slender.
No matter how hard you cry,
No matter how glaring the sun;
Even your eyelids cannot protect.

The wounds will itch,
And again scratch'd till besmear'd in blood.
Now rich in anguish;
Force'd out by th' despairing heart.

Worlds apart in th' same room,
Spying through th' corner of my eyes,
Witness to a season's bloom.
Unknown to a strange seed of rice.
Thought to be th' same;
White & plain.
Call'd out your name in the crowd,
But you are absent in your muse.
Drifting amidst th' quiet shouts,
That yearns so much; so few.
Killing yourself so softly,
With too much elegance to adore;
O would you, would you Miss Ruby,
Hurt thyself no more.

Shall not explain why i wrote this poem.

My GPA is 1.0476. I cannot even frown lower than my grades. Glad that i am still able to attend school next semester though. I miss my class of 109. I love the mates.

Putting up at my godparents' place now. They are really wonderful. God bless.

Hi dad, i miss you. But i do not miss home. Okay maybe i do. Sometimes.

Thank you Naz and everyone for your concern! I am great greater greatest.

Cheers.

Nobody Said It Was Easy. No One Ever Said It Would Be So Hard.

2007-09-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

Sauntering aimlessly,
With that wandering gaze,
Pockets are but empty;
As i walk away my days.
As i shake away the cold.

The wide of the skies beckons,
Come play in the rain!
Strangers pass, turn by turn.
Deep in my consiousness,
There is an understated pain.

Pondering,
Mulling over beauty's rose.
Scattering,
Shedding my skin in winter's snow.

Bopping in the water,
Glancing down as the ripples
Disappear into me.

Come play with me.
Come dance as if it is your last.

Slippers & Break Ins & Walking out.

2007-09-07T23:51:00.000-07:00

The shower head washed her cold water down my hair and drenched my salted body, draining away the tears flowing from my eyes. I squeezed my eyelids together as i cried hard. Promising myself this is my last bath at home.

Yesterday:

I had just came back home from Lenis' place. As i swinged open the door, kicked my dad's slippers onto where i borrowed it from, i saw my room's door shut- instead of its usual wide open state. At the back of my sleepless mind, i already figured i was locked out of my room- again. I kept shoving that thought away as i approach the thick wooden door and twisted at the knob. Click click click, guessed i was right.

Thoughts of my quarrel with dad the night before began to crop up. My father was mad because i wore his slippers. I had none to wear that day because my step-mother had yet again thrown away my very last pair. And the argument over the phone launched into a pointless and bitter debate, as usual. So he did what my step-mother would typically do to get back at me. I never had the key to my room.

I never had a place in the house. Had always been confined to a corner of my room as a kid. I cannot let others rob me of the place where i dream and muse and laugh and sob alone. Therefore i spent one hour breaking in:

Broken is the door. I cannot remember when was the last time i perspired so much.

This morning:

I cycled back home from breakfast, as i reached my doorstep, my heart sank yet again. The monsters in my house have now decided to change the padlock to the gate. This had happened so many times, and i would usually turn away and find some place else to stay instead. But today i smashed the lock of my window and climbed in.

This is the battle i have been fighting all my life. I spent two days breaking into my own house to have a sleep in my bedroom, brush my teeth. It has been put to me this home is no longer mine to speak of. The people in my house have mentioned countless of times they are going to rent my room out. So be it. Tonight i shall lose this war gracefully.

I grabbed the most important things i have and stuffed it into my bag. My laptop, shampoo, a few books including the torn bible, a framed picture of Charlene and I. There wasn't even much clothing left in my cupboard to bring along. I took my hamster and her huge plastic home and left, for good. But, whither do i go?

Dear Dad,

I know you read my blog. You have always been my hero. I remembered when i was beaten everyday as a child, i would always prayed you came home earlier every night. Because your wife would treat me so well in front of you. But soon it did not matter whether you were around or not. You tried to stop her but you got punished, too. And then you hid in your air-conditioned room, pretending you did not hear my cries next door; oblivious to my distress. You let her be, perhaps you got brainwashed, that you allowed a stanger who hates your only child to do whatever she pleases.

Now that you have joined her in the quest to make me disappear, I am leaving. I will never step back into that house again untill you divorce your second wife. I recalled when i was 9, we would go for 'family' dinner. And you would sit with your wife at a table, while i was ordered to sit alone somewhere much further. Therefore i am giving you what you guys always wanted; to be together without me.

I love you dad. But i fucking hate what you do sometimes.

If i were to be a father some day, i promise i will never be like you.

Push'd to the limits,
Bent over and over.
Wearied by th' conflict;
Vexed by the bitter.

But here is th' silent snap,
Curtains tumbling down
Onto this melodrama;
This overdone act.

I will miss the taste of my room.

A One-Sided Affair.

2007-09-03T02:57:00.000-07:00

Observing Marcus' somewhat unrequited affection for Amanda, I wonder if giving up would be the best option. It is exhausting to endure an apparent futile pursuit, where every attempt of care or fondness is met abruptly with a cold shoulder.

What is your notion of love?

Is there really any more to it? That we all wait alone, in hope that one day it'd pay off. I fear this kind of endlessness. It is like expecting earnestly- in a foreign place- for a bus at an already obsolete bus-stop. You sit there unknowing, tapping your feet away; biding your time. Faith to frustration, and finally to disappointment.

Or maybe this dismay is pen-ultimate. Argh.

I am trapped in a biased relationship too. Every effort is seldom reciprocated, and often patronized. You order me to call you all the time, and on time, too. You get angry when i hang up too early, and would reject my calls for the next few days. Then you would get mad because i stopped ringing. Rebuking that if i really love you, i should keep calling till you pick up the phone. I cannot be bothered anymore. Go fuck yourself.

To love and not be loved back. How many are willing to make such a sacrifice? How many can truly take it? And, what is the point?

Keeping my days for you,
Parting with every moment.
Gazing into the wide sky's blue,
Wasting away my emotions;
Now seal'd in a jar.

But then, perchance just a little longer, a tiny bit more time, may unravel some surprises. Who knows.

Because beauty can sometimes be understated huh. Every time.

Feel so Without, Deep Down Within.

2007-08-31T06:27:00.000-07:00

The hopeful awaits without,
But with a distant look.
I figure it is amid his heart,
He is with someone else; hooked,
Given to the thought of it.

This second chance,
Of a second glance;
Of a love, once died,
Is love at first sight.

Too many flings,
Too much of that fleeting romance.
Lying there on your musical bed,
Left with that bitter aftertaste.

That is why deep down within,
He can feel so without.

I need a girlfriend, lah. Even if i don't deserve one.

I am at Clarence's place now, it's almost 6 and i can already hear the morning chorus. Going for a swim with him later at 7.30. Don't think i am going back Temasek Secondary School today, due to some bizarre reason. Although i missed my friends so.

Happy Teachers Day, however. Teachers work so hard, imparting more than just knowledge. For the sheer joy and satisfaction of watching us kids grow with so much zest. I like to eavesdrop on the staffroom, hearing teachers laugh hysterically and do oh so much gossiping. I guess being with children all the time has urged them to have too many childish moments.

Daybreak, I remember how Lenis and i would climb onto the roof-top of our school. Chewing on our toasted ham and cheese sandwich, gulping down the cold cup of Milo. We would then have a quick smoke- and before we could make it for the morning assembly- have a bad tummy ache after that. And would head for the toilets instead.

I will always miss secondary school days, where I have made my closest friends; for life.

Look at Ourselves. Note Our Surroundings.

2007-08-29T18:17:00.000-07:00

IT was just like any other dinner after a day's work at our usual coffee-shop. K.C, Andrew and I have worked with each other for more than half a year, and have had countless meals together.

But, that night's fried chicken and the coffee and the air around us turned stale when K.C fixed his eyes on me, and blurted out 'Welsonn, I feel lost, leh. I feel like my life is in a mess. What should i do?'

K.C is 47 years old, married thrice and as far as i know; has two daughters- one adopted. He has been a salesman for almost 30 years. Earns a stable income and has his own HDB flat. But what i saw behind those glasses of his was a cast away and distruaght look; like the tearing eyes of a child misplaced in the morning market crowd.

We thought maybe he was too stressed up with work and needed to take a break, find some peace; burn some joss sticks and inhale the smoke that strings out. But it was more than that. He is tired of being an employee all his life. He is no longer young and sense not much time left. There is no certain direction in his life he is conscious of. Is he going to spend the last 10 years of his energy slogging for somebody else? I watched him as he sipped at his warm tea. His gaze all over the place.

Andrew is a 27 years old Malaysian who had came in search of a better life here. That night, he mentioned his fears of marriage. Cost of wedding, financial problems, having a roof over his head, providing for his family. K.C told Andrew if he is going to worry so much about money money money now, he may never get married. Then being a divorcee, K.C laments on the troubles of living with a lady for the rest of your life. Keyword was Patience. Or the lack of it.

Focus was then shifted onto me. A 17 year old, wasting his chances and youth, failing school, struggling to feed himself, totally unsure of his fate. K.C gave another two cents' worth. He was a dropout himself, now 30 years on, he is working for his childhood friend(our boss)- who had studied hard and earned a degree. And now their relationship has soured, inevitably. I tried to place myself in his shoes, and stared hard at myself again, it just sucks.

Nevertheless, K.C believes it is never too late, to discover what we really want out of ourselves and work towards it. If a 47 years old man is able to habour such faith, there is no reason why any one of us cannot.

Maybe we are always swayed by circumstances and letting the happenings around us take control and overcome. That we did not notice where we are, where have the restless winds blew us to. It is time to wake, steer myself back on path, tracking the clues.

There you have it. 3 guys, each going through a different phase in life, sucking on our cigarettes of sorts; all lost.

My First.

2007-08-27T05:57:00.000-07:00

THE sun had barely risen from her horizon but her blanket of warmth could be felt in the bedroom. I had fallen asleep at my senior's place the night before, still in my school uniform.

I was still dozing away when i felt something heavy on me. It forced me awake and i saw her, sitting right on top of me; her hips on my pelvic area. She smiled with a playful gleam in her eyes. I pulled her toward me and as her chest pressed against mine, we began kissing and fondling with each other's tongue. Then my hands slowly went up her flimsy shirt, she was not wearing her bra. I caressed her breast and my fingers ran over her nipples; she let out a tiny gasp and we kissed more furiously. I pulled off her shirt and tossed it on the floor.

She buried her fingers in my hair and sucked hard at my breath. I trailed my kisses down her neck to the tender skin of her bosom. My tongue twirled around her teats, then my lips clamped gently onto the pink nipple and tugged; eliciting a moan from her. She was stroking her cunt hard against my erection. She started to unbutton my uniform and yanked it over my shoulders. Then she went down to unbuckle the belt and unzipped the pants. As she gripped the waistband of the boxers, i could only lift my hips and let her pull it down my legs.

Suddenly i could feel her teeth grinding against my manhood. Her moist tongue was all over my shaft, i glanced down at her as she worked her magic. I shut my eyes and felt my heart beating harder and faster. She then climbed onto me again and began to devour me. It was so warm inside her. I laid there breathless as she continued to consume me. I noticed too much female dominance. I turned her over and flung her onto the bed. She opened her legs to welcome my thrusts. She was crying out louder as my lunge got more rapid. Her muscles tighten around me as we both came at the same time.

That glorious madness was then over.

We snuggled side by side, tired out. I pecked her on the cheek. I stared up at the ceiling, realizing i just did sex for the first time. Just then i felt her sweet lips on mine again, and her hand reached toward my down under. I knew my morning was not over yet.

Happy Birthday Vanessa Tang.

2007-08-25T17:59:00.000-07:00

Oh my my. I blogged on 22nd August but i did not wish Vans a hippo birdie. My excuse: i just got back from work and was totally exhausted.

The truth: I forgot, somehow, anyhow.

My apology: SORRY.

And my phone is not with me these few days! I am a shit-head.

Happy birthday Vans!!!

Vanessa is a delicately small and pretty girl who leaves traces of sweetness everywhere she goes. This petite beauty never fails to delight.

She has her own dreams and desires. She shines with substance and style, intensified by her merry and chirpy nature.

Here is someone who values harmony and would rather avoid a debate or an arguement.

When i was in lower secondary we would be in the same chinese class and she was the prettiest so i would always pester and tinker with her, and she would come after me and dig her nails into my arms. The scars are still visible now! Who says scars only bring back bad momories huh. Glad that we were in the same class during the last two years of school. Ay, those days.

Anyhow, she is absolutely lovable and i love her. cha.

mmh.. wonder if she has lost her first kiss already.

Happy belated birthday Vans~

me vans ridz =)

From Time to Time.

2007-08-22T04:43:00.000-07:00

From time to time, some things change. Or at least change enough to be noticed.

Today, i swept the bare concrete outdoors of a childcare centre, where we were suppposed to change it into a colorful playground for the kids. I swept away the fallen dried leaves which had turned brown and crisp, along with the all the other collected debris and dust- to make way for the pokka dot rubber flooring we were going to do for the children. I gathered all the litter away from the area with the broom. Then, there was this sudden breeze that broke into the still air and it blew everything back! I stood there, while the leaves and plastics chased around in circles, and finally gently landed all over the place. Haha. Sian.

I like the way how everything and everyone seems to be changing and changing constantly but in the end it is still pretty much the same.

I watched the movie 'Next' with Lenis the other day. It's so so dang awesome. I always liked to watch Nicholas Cage. He possess the look which makes you lost, yet does not lead you astray. In the movie, he could look into the future, but for only 2 minutes. And he said, 'Every time you look into the future, it changes, because you looked at it. And that, changes everything else.'

Got to wake up at 10 later to go back to the childcare to complete the job. phew.

Good night.

Why Welsonn, why?!

2007-08-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

Some comments on my name:

'Yah nice to meet you Wilson, I am.. (whatever)'

'Oh W E L S O N huh.'

'I thought he own-self go add the extra N one, to act cute.'

'What kind of name is that?!'

'Why your parents give you this name SIA.'

OKAY. So recently i got another remark on my name. So i thought hard and tried to think of a few good reasons why my name is Welsonn. Why Welsonn, why?!

Actually, my birth name is Wilson Goh Wei Sheng- the conventional or the 'normal' name. But my biological mom changed it to Welsonn Goh Wei Long when i was... 2? 3? i do not know. So i have a 'Deed Poll' to justify my second name. I just call it a lawyer's letter.

When i was younger my dad explained it was because my birth numbers striked Toto of 10,000 dollars when i was born. BUT i got really sick and spent many more times of that for my treatment. ( I don't care where is my $10k??!!!! ) Therefore something was WRONG with me. So my mom, being a versatile Christian, went to see a fortune teller or whoever and said i needed to change my name. I guessed the chinese name was chosen by the whoever but Welsonn was my mom's brilliant idea.

But still, why Welsonn?

Therefore i came up with a few logical explainations:

#1 She wanted to name me Welsom but the lawyer read wrongly. Haha okay not so logical.

#2 She thought next time then i could Google or Yahoo my name and find out who bitched about me! Actually that is what i do and i will end up reading people's blog and whatever they said about me. HAHA and sometimes i get pleasant surprises.

#3 So that she could find me with ease when she wants to. When i have grown up.

For your information my mother kept changing her name too. I do not know whether she is Annice or Amy or Ann. But she is pretty. Still pretty when i saw her last year, with Yuanli. Hah Yuanli is one of the very very few friends who have ever seen my mom. Anyhow, Yuanli makes people feel safe in this crazy world. Missed her.

And i love my name. More importantly, i love who i am.

My Gender Identity Issue. Oh or is it just math.

2007-08-18T02:40:00.000-07:00

You scored as Athletic Tomboy,

Athletic Tomboy

88%

Hippy

75%

Popular Bitch

50%

Slut

50%

Nerdy Girl

44%

Loser

31%

Preppy Girl

Goth

What type of girl are you?!!
created with QuizFarm.com

Your sex is something you are born with but your gender identity is something you have to learn. Our gender identity represents much more than simply a realization that we are anatomically female or male. It involves recognizing what it means to be a woman or a man as those meanings have been established within a specific social and cultural context.

Alright just an excerpt from my gender reading.

The point is, I am 50% slut and the other half of me is a popular bitch?!

No, the point is: 31% of me is a loser?!! But actually that means 69% of me is a Nestle Milo Champion right. HAHAHA.

No no!! The main point is: My person as a whole is 350%?!! No wonder i got E8 for my O level Add-math. HEE HEE.

NO NO NO!! The POINT is, I'm an athletic tomboy!! yay.

Nay, The thing is, I AM SO BORED THAT I TOOK THE QUIZ AT ALL. sigh.

Being a homosexual is different from having a different gender identity okayy. If you are gay, you know you are a guy and feel like guy and you like guys and sometimes think about holding their hands and do sex together in his bedroom.

But if you are a girl trapped in a guys body; you are the (potential)transvestite. Like those at Changi Village. Very sexy are some.

But if you are a guy trapped in a girl's body but you would like to do sex with other guys does it still make you gay? Nah, guess it just makes you rare.

EVERYONE SHOULD JUST BE ATHLETIC TOMBOYS.

P.S. Sorry Shaun, Narveen and Sherwin that i did not make it for today's outing. Will make it up to you guys!!

There is a Monster in my house.

2007-08-17T03:15:00.000-07:00

--

There is a monster in my house.

The monster threw away all my clothes today. I have practically nothing else to wear except for the set i wore today, and a few more really old clothing in the cupboard i have not worn for ever.

The monster threw away my $49.90 slippers 2 weeks ago.

The monster have been in this terrifying place called HOME for almost 10 years now. I have grown too tired to fight the creature. I have grown numb to its cruel ways of torture. As i struggled to find peace amongst the morbid & pain.

At times like this i think of my mother. Where she is. Whether i am gonna see her in the next few years to come.

But right now i have to save myself. I was desperately hungry and i needed to eat something so that i can take my medicine. I was so desperate in the afternoon i had to go over to Marcus' place to have 2 slices of bread. And i was so desperate just now i stole a tiny can of braised peanuts from the kitchen while the monster is asleep.

And tomorrow the monster will wake and realise the missing food and attack my father instead, knowing that my father will come and vent his frustrations on me. And he will get so stressed up and his head will hurt and he will have to take his pills again. That is why i seldom rebel nor fight back. It kills not the monster, but my dad.

I am sick of this. But i have taken it all for 10 years. I am good. I am good. I can take anything.

Welsonn th' Warrior:

Nobody will walk you through the fire,
Nothing is there to shelter and protect.
You are there alone with the monster;
You are cornered, crying and trapped.
In your bleeding hand a blunt sword,
Your mind a wreakage of thoughts.
But you know you are the warrior
Who will slain this bloodthirsty creature.
O do you pray to Ares now?
That he lends you his spear?
The salt of sweat runs down
And stings your eyes of fear.
Where do you go now?
And you tell yourself:
I am the warrior
Who will slain the monster.

- Self encouragement OKAYYYYYY.

Seeking Solace In my Sunshine Fruit & Grain Bread.

2007-08-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

--

Sometimes i get so frustrated, disheartened and repressed. That overthrown feeling that slumps me to the cold floors, and makes me heave a big sad sigh and leave myself deflated. There is a subtle hurt at the neck, but more noticeable is the dense feeling around the chest. Maybe some people feel like this some times too.

But no matter how despairing; being hung up by a loved one, shouted angrily at by my father, listening to broken stories by the distressed, hearing out a grumble and whatnot: The moment i return to my purple bag of Sunshine Fruit & Grain Bread, I find peace. As I chewed on my bread with 40% California raisins with rolled oats, my tired heart is soothed. And i always found some comfort in all that soft sweetness.

Amidst every thing that leaves our souls jaded, and spirits weary; we should seek that quietude within ourselves and regain our composure. It is too early to be put down. There is just too much to be delighted about.

All that is collapsing onto you
Are the walls of troubles you built
Piled so high into that blue

And all that is collapsing within you
Are all because of that emptiness
The depression you dug within you

O may you find rest
And sleep in the lull under that storm.

I like to hold all my problems in abeyance. And i wonder if it is any good.

Dang i finished my loaf of low fat Sunshine Fruit & Grain Bread already.

Time to take zest in big big fishballs.

Ay, that brief respite.

Taken ill.

2007-08-13T01:12:00.000-07:00

=(

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I am Sick.

hahaha found this on Yuan li's blog. So long ago already man. Rahmat and Ridwan.

Adriano & i.

Chester & i.

Distorted friendship.

Still sketchy. Still sketchy.

What the..

Bestmen.

Chee Wei and i in the production studio. haahh. I have grown fat!!!!!

I am fat fat fat
Makes me sad sad sad
I am fat fat fat.

Song Of Songs

2007-08-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

=)

Okay. I am going to write a song. But i know nuts about composing. So i am going write a song without a melody. Er.. which makes it a poem? HAHA. Okay someone please place music on my piece and turn it into a song!!!

Behind every song lies a story. So i have decided to use Marcus' recent entry(8th of Aug) on his recent blog, the post is titled < Mr F and Ms M > :

'Mr F have been in love with Ms M for quite sometime, but M dont seem to like him at all. F had done alot for her, and it's the first time he ever really liked someone. He tried hard, but M didn't think much of what he's doing, and felt he was just being nice to a very good friend. F felt very sad, and thought through everything and anything about her. M thinks that F was.. just a good friend to her. Nothing more, nothing less. But F really liked her, what should he do? stop, or carry on..'

I am naming this Carry Me On:

There is just so much left
In my heart, after just too much
And just only enough
To buy a one way ticket
To your heart.

There is no stopping
No turning back
I have given my all
Or was it stolen?
In your arms i fall
But i'm afraid you will not catch
And leave me broken.

I will carry on
'Cos you carry me on
I will linger here for ever
Bursting forth th' love
Like the rose-pink light of dawn
O please carry me on

And i stand fast on this sinking ground
O my relentless persuit
But i am hanging on
And i will carry on

I will carry on
'Cos you carry me on
I will linger here for ever
Bursting forth th' love
Like the rose-pink light of dawn
O please carry me on.

All right. I let you read it. Now sing it back to me.

Oh, My God.

2007-08-06T03:47:00.000-07:00

.

I have lost it. I have taken the too many chances for granted. My promises are empty, whithered and dead.

There was a landslide, all in black and white. It caught my feet, that fast moving gray sand. Dragged me down, and drowned me. In all that darkness and gloom, I fell to my knees and prayed; for that one last chance- again. Can promises be forever young? Maybe. I told myself.

He may shut God out. For a tiny while, or for a long long time. He may misplace his faith even. But i realise when he was cornered and monsters are slowly stepping toward him, and behind him is the valley of death. He prayed. He prayed very hard to the God he took as a stranger . And God was right there beside him. Again.

Wash me with your blood
Let me touch your hand
Then place it on my heart
As she beats into a dent.

O my dear dear God
Almost tangible
Almost gone.

I fainted into
The chapter of Lamentations
O what a life to do!
The misery, the destruction.

O my dear dear God
Almost tangible
Almost gone.

To Some Faraway

2007-08-01T01:17:00.000-07:00

.
.
.
I think i have got that forlorn gaze
Bringing myself to some deserted
To some faraway,
Lost
In my own winding maze
Offered my sweet surrender;
Sombre, dreary, jaded.

Cheerless

Forsaken

Alack! It is heartrending
In this barren place i slump
She too is bleeding
Trapped in this blue funk.

Crestfallen

Dejected

Estranged from the overcrowded
To my pleasant reverie
She too is embittered
Relish in her own solitary.

I need someone, anyone
To catch me.
Catch me really well
Do not leave me undone
Please.

Please.

I am not begging.
Just praying very hard.

Dashed

Vanquished

That disappearing trace
I have already vanished
Yet all over the place.

But, ah! Even on her parched land.
And too many futile attempts,
Had we not had that fleeting romance?
Ay, was not those lips moist and damp?

Naked

Bygone

Say,
Come with me
To some faraway.

Rarh. Stressed out!!! Aiya my Mac charger is not with me and the batt is going flat!! Have to end here! Wrote this nonsense to kill time and my macbook and my desolate self. hahahhahahahahahahhahhahhahhahah,

sigh.

Take care people!

Fare You Well, Great Pretender.

2007-07-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

CARRY out this masquerade! Made of calumny
O my fair lady veil'd in guile,
Ere long she came forth in limpid beauty;
All that cute allure & candid smile.

Fooled is the fool in me so shallow so naive,
She is the candy of my eyne, methought
Her chocolate-coated words i believ'd forthwith;
The truest love is one with riches bought
Wherewith i am left in wayward bliss,
When a kiss is a many more than a kiss.

Too oft she wilt tear and snivel on my collarbone
Sometimes locking her fingers with mine,
And would utter in an undertone:
'My self wilt seize valour from thine.'

Alas! It has all come to naught
Left subdued is my heart,
All bits of thy words fallen short;
Thou hast eaten them up.
Whither do i go?
Whom else can i trust?
Now that even a lover hath turned a foe.

Fare you well, great pretender, my pseudo-love.

Spent like a few hours during the weekend doing this poem, just for funn. Because i am so fed up with myself for my failure in handing up so many assignments and turning up for classes. I'm about to give in.

I am in school now. Chewing on a sandwich with cold ham and cucumber. Social Pshycology lecture-which i turned up late,again-just ended. Anyhow, I am gald I have really wonderful lecturers. Suja Thomas and Selina and Felix and Pat wong and Cordelia and James Sharpe. But i am a great disappointment to them. I really want to apologise to Mr.Sharpe for my apparent indifference towards his work. however i do not have the 'face' to do that because i have not handed in ANY work yet.

Putting school behind me. More important issue is that my father is sick ALL the time. He went to the doctor again just this morning. 1 more year before he hits 50 yrs old!! God bless him man

Cha. Happy Monday to all.

Being Tad

2007-07-03T05:30:00.000-07:00

.
.

Being Tad
Is different from
Being James, Gabriel
Or Matt.

When God created this world
With the oceans and the trees
And all that roaming creatures
Then He made Adam and Chris.

Because Tad is the worthy gay
Who do not do sex
With Ryan, Josh or Ernest
Whilst his boyfriend is away.

Then came this horrible naked creature
Brazenly seduced Adam
Made him eat the bedevilled apple
And held him against her bosom.

Tad is flustered
Broken, confused and addled
His parents found out,
His boyfriend screwed around.

God became angry with man
And never made them with his own hands
And let them create amongst themselves
With that uncanny beauty:
Women, by the fallen angels.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalal. Life at Ngee Ann poly mass comm has not been very wonderful.
Got an F for radio, F for written comm. But like a blind chicken having pecked on an earthworm, somehow i got an A for speech comm. haha. sigh.

Anyhow, hope everyone is doing great out there.

' Life can be hard.. but it happens to the best of us. ' - Lavanya

Tad is my friend. And he pours out to me his many problems about being gay. I do not know how to help!!
Hope you find your true love Tad.

Cheers.

P.S Maybe you're just a tad too gay.

Come away, angels.

2007-06-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

Come away, angels.
From that hell;
From those dangers;
Away from that miserable hell.

Because African children,
Brainwashed and abducted sons
Are killing women and other children,
With smuggled machine guns.

We should be beautiful guardians,
Since already born in heaven.

Because you can't blame someone
For being the coldest devil;
If they are born in the hottest hell.

They shall starve all day & night
While we indulge in gluttony and buffets anyhow
And we will bake in the afternoon sunlight
While they dry up in that drought.

Even the littlest love
In the worst man,
Gives meaning to life.

Let us not take for granted
Our distance from their misery
All that tearful hatred
Amongst abject poverty.

When my heart is hard,
Break the stone away;
When my soul is cold,
Warm it to the day.

From that agony;
Where love is the strangest stranger
In that purgatory.
Now,
Come away, angels.

Movies like Blood Diamond or The Rising Sun make people appreciate life a tiny bit more ya.

I have been a lousy person. Eating and sleeping too much. Heaps of schoolwork overdue. Wasting myself away.

Somehow, i'm always eating my hamster's organic food at night.

I am uncontactable once again. Things just happen. haha.

Take care people.

Cheers.

P.s Promise i will do my work.

Serenata

2007-05-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

.
.
I will play to your tunes,
Sing to your melodies;
But to whom
Does the music sprinkle?
Her heart oblivion to me.

Like a watchman,
Waiting for a late late dawn.
But look at his merriment!
When he hears the chorus of the morning song.

I hope your fingers dance upon your piano
With notes of acceptance.
Do in my sorrow,
Exaggerate my chance.

Love me
My eyes to my bones to the hollow in my heart.
To my scandalous soul
O treat me likest a rose.

For now,
Like the watchman who waits upon the world;
I will hold everything
Unto Love.

My my it has been a LONG time since i blogged cos my macbook dislike Blogger. And now my Apple is spoilt. And i lost my handphone. And my bill is $218.65 and the final deadline to pay is the 15th of May. HAHA.

I've been late for school EVERY day( except the first day- cos first impressions are very important but i didn't know there's a law of recency). All my assignments are late too. hahahahhaha.

I guess this seris of unfortunate events is happening to celebrate the upcoming Mother's day. To remind me my mother dumped me when i was 5, and how it brought about more bad bad stuffs. I suppose what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. =D

Therefore i'm really looking forward towards Mother's day becos i will get to see my beloved grandmother. And also it means the bad bad day will be over and many good things is to come.

Take care my friends i really miss you all. I will buy a pager soon so you all can page me. Untill then pls e-mail me at brodawelsonn@hotmail.com, or actually there's this really funn thing you can do: Send me letters to Tampines st 84 blk 875 #10-16 s'pore 520875 !!!! hahah i wonder who'd be so nice and sincere to do that.

yupp yupp. God bless all.

2007-03-20T03:28:00.000-07:00

Menopause

Creases wrap around my dreary hands, i think it's because of all that washing of clothings since childhood. I am still young, but wearisome already. Yet this is a stage of my teenage life i have to go through. Thereupon i slump into a period of stagnation. It's like a draggy lonely recess.

My cup is half empty.

Now, this is not just an affair of the fairer sex. Everything seems to be going downhill. I've been looking out for something else, someone else, to relish in. Maybe that's why i bought hamsters for myself. A Silver Fox, male, named him Monday. And a Cream blahblah, female, named her Ice-cream.

Many stuffs have seem to reach a point of cessation. Relationships, dinosaurs, my room clock. But i suppose that means something novel is springing up, something cute. Like school, like the new fitness corners suitable only for those above 45. I guess this is the turning point, towards the tipping point.

*cough cough .. Someone pang seh me the other day. Which allowed me to wonder around Singapore aimlessly for 7 hours. Taking buses, stroll around, taking buses. I only remembered Anson Rd, Lau pa sat, Vivo, Katong blah blah... I noticed all public phones like to have private numbers.

May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Ah hah, my cup is half full.

2007-03-08T05:52:00.000-08:00

About Sheena

Now, before we begin, Sheena is gorgeous.

Tonight, i find myself pondering over Sheena's motives, as she ordered two glasses of white wine during our dinner at Darlington Hall. We had been at loggerheads ever since my birthday. Life has been heartrending, untill tonight, that is.

She proposed an apology and well, cheers.

As you might not expect, Sheena is my dearest friend. We hold hands and give each other goodbye kisses and whatnot, and yet this relationship is so chaste that we are like brother and sis. People always mistake us as a couple, but of course, we are a couple.

You will not dispute, i presume, that i should not be too close with Sheena if i do have a girlfriend. But i have realised and learned-ever since Stephanie's wrenching act- that it is really worth cherishing your friend, your best friend.

Silence may be golden, and as often as not, it may be the most depressing. When Stephanie did not reply my messages, never return my calls, it was the most bitter, heartbreaking silence. And when she breaks that silence, asking for a break-up(telling you she is dumping you, rather), then slump into that quiet again. Finally, for the finishing touch, changes her number in discreet. Devastating.

But Sheena was there, telling me not to give up, till i truly lost. Then gave me plenty of consolation. I felt guilty and conscience-striken for neglecting her during my attachment. Rejecting countless requests just for a short meal. I am sorry, Sheena.

Incidentally, Sheena and i had i trivial misunderstanding on my birthday. But all is good now. :)

Now, this thing about Sheena

this sanity

this beauty

that gleam likest a star.

hahaha this entry is hogwash. YAY i got into Singapore poly and Ngee Ann poly(both is Mass Comm!!) , one through JAE and the other JPSAE. I will be choosing Np hahaha. Hope all my friends out there are doing really fine. Great luck guys. I hope to see all my ex-schoolmates real soon.

Now, before we end, Sheena is really gorgeous.

2007-01-30T05:24:00.000-08:00

Quit Smoking

A personal recount.

WARNING: SMOKING CAUSES MOUTH DIEASES
QUIT:1800-438-2000

This was what my packet of VIRGINIA SLIMS Lights- 20 Class A Filter Cigarettes- has printed on it followed by a horrid picture of disgustingly awful teeth with charred gums. So.. you're telling me this cigarette is harmful and corroding , when the uncle at the provision shop was smiling ever so gleefully whlist changing me my $1.30 for th pack? So you're playing the it's your choice your freewill but don't say i never warn you thing huh? Fine. You and i never grow up do we.

Well as i held up th pack of cancer sticks, this time, i was about to do something not so conventional.

I took up my mobile and slowly but eagerly dialed the numbers .. 1800.. 438.. 2000.

An answering machine blurt out : " Thank you for calling quit line, for English.. press one.. for.." It was like telling you ' Hello, this is your last chance to back out. You can press nothing but the end call button and go back to your comfortable self-destructive lifestyle."

I pressed ONE. Then it went toooo toooo toooo. Then..

" Hello? " a lady uttered.

" Erm.. is this the quit thingy? " my words almost fell into a whisper.

She lets out a quick giggle, " So.. you want to quit?"

"er.. ya."

" Your first time calling? " She spoke tenderly.

" Yupp "

" Since you've made up your mind to quit, it's good for you. What's your name? " Her voice had a Vietnamese touch to it.

" Welsonn "

" How to spell? W.. E.. L .. S O N ? "

" Double N " i corrected her like i corrected a millioin others.

We chatted and did some Q&As.. she got to know i got my first puff during sec 1, and the bad habit came on and off et cetera et cetera. It was her encouraging tone and tireless effort to spring up new ideas to beat the cravings that truly touched me. She suggested i try the ' clean and dirty' method(if i got the name correctly), meaning i stop totally at one go altogether. Since i am taking only 7 yo 8 sticks a day. Only having more on 'better' days. And because i'm underage, i am not eligible for nicotine treatment. She continued trying hard to give me more advice and suggestions:

" You can go out with your friends? "

" All my friends smoke too. "

" That better, you can do success, and influence them. " She spoke in a slightly broken english which i found to be naturally adorable.

We both laughed a bit.

" Then you can also help your mother do some house chores lah? "

" i got no mother, i live with my dad. "

" Then also can ma, help your father do some house chores lah. "

I just laughed and pretended to faint.

She told me if the craving kicks in i can try to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then she came out with an amusing idea, she said to prevent my hands from feeling empty i could hold a pen the way i hold a cigarette, and DRAW. How really cute. Her tone was ever so caring and motivating , she offered to send a booklet to my place to aid me. She also volunteered to call me again to check on my progress. She is an immensely nice woman. She told me to take care and we ended our short and sweet conversation there. If she had helped me at all, i believed it was her patience and compassion that gave me a glimmer of hope. Thank you.

I have so many friends out there who are smokers, mild and heavy. Indulging in a suicide in diguise. It seem so helpless and futile even if i try to help. i can't even save myself.

Must we really so,

lose a loved one

to that tobacco

before we're done

dwindling

that paper roll

our best friend

our best foe

like our life?

I lost my grandfather to it.

Maybe we can save ourselves and the friends and the loved ones around us right now.

Or maybe we can continue smoking contrabrands and remain oblivious.

It's your choice your freewill but don't say i never warn you.

take greatest care guys.

P.S. once again it's 1800-438-2000.

2007-01-04T01:45:00.000-08:00

When we were young

oh my god. Me and Gan frolicking in the pool. When we were sec 2. hahahahaahhaahhahaha.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. sec 3 and 5 million pounds.

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha

hahahaahahahaahahaahaahahahahaahahahaahaahaha :))

Lenis Lim kun.

summary of youth.

Merry new year!

2006-12-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

Epilogue

Act 1 sc 1.2

Cheerless & Gay

Amid a zillion people rambling at Orchard Road, or amongst my chummy buddies , i still feel lonely, enstranged and barren.

My thoughts are incoherent. Please forgive.

I've been eating alot, indulging in gluttony, food seems to be my only anti-depressant. Window shopping at Gelang turns out to be a poignant trip instead. HELP. Oh well, i should reincarnate into a blithe white cloud. thank you BOY , you've been a great companion anyhow ; i'm glad you respected my decision not to have sex, and accept that i'm not gay , yet. i do hope our relationship will remain chaste. Basketball camp was haunted!! haha funn la. Gan was petrified cos he saw a ghost!! GHASTLY. Work is tiring! *Jaded. i'm still left with 800 bucks outstanding. Going to work is like going back to school, everyday the boss catch my hair. Gabriel snores. So does Gan and Lenis and the plump uncles of kopitiam isle. haha. The Love yonder is teetering. (A prognosis of this affair is impossible.) wakakaka.

Maybe one day i'll free a prostitute, perchance twelve.

Lunch at Bedok the other day, i saw this dumb(mute & deaf)guy, it made me felt life has pampered me:

Adam and If

That empty utterance,
tells aplenty
with no disturbance,
of a charming man( quietly).

Soundless;
voiceless.

If Adam could murmur a tenor,
it'll drown in the restless wind
but not his vim and vigour
which his busy hands hint.

Be careful now when we rant,
about all those tiny micro problems
Sit back and listen,
as Adam conducts his symphonic band.

If there were signs Adam learnt,
it'll be the same as doves'
If he has a religion,
it shall be Love.

If only he could understand,
how he animates the listless
with his ardent hands,
that has left me speechless.

oh my i have a fetish for Snoopy. laughs.

LOTS OF LOVE.

2006-06-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

Life's Story.

I've thought about this for a long time, school's going to start too soon, i'm idling in my studies with O'levels clinginging heplessly on my tail, i do not have a computer or whatsoever. Therefore, i have decided this will be my closing and final entry. And a long one too.

the last one! what should be written?!

How confused! how intimidating!

about something my heart has long hidden?

or just somewhere near the poundings?

my stepmother:

Let me share with you someone close to my heart, someone who has entered and changed my life completely. She broke in when i was 7, still utterly blur about the disappearance of my (true)mother. They commanded me to greet the stranger as 'mommy' , so as from that fateful day, she was my 'mommy' . My (simple)dad knew her through the cordless phone which so amazing have an invisible connection to Malaysia. Yes, she is from Penang. We exchanged words in mandarin, in soothing tones she spoke.. and of cause i was shyly afraid of strangers. But she turned out to be more terrifying than i thought.Yupp, I thought. [and she turned my (holy)dad into a buddist.]

The very first year went well, there were happy moments where she played checkers with me, cooked, washed my undies. I was contented as she was all smiles and kept my father companied.thank you.

1 year passed, i had 8 years on earth.

She begun getting angry and scolding me, guess that sounds quite typical. However the thing that disoriented my brain cells was how drastically different she behaves with my (gentle)father's pressence. I became her favourite chocolate ice-cream cheesecake topped with cherries when he's around, and much as he's gone, so did my mind. It wasn't that bad at the beginning, but she must have told her (wonderful)husband if she spared the rod she'll spoil the child. Me and my (caring)dad fell victim, inevitably. It was repetitive, frustrating, bending, and worse of all.. literally painful. She will end every beating exactly same way, threatening that if i breathe a word to (lonely)daddy then "you will know". I suppose it was the "you will know" that really shut me up and succumb to her brain-washing for 5 dreadful years. And of cause, with her careful and precise timetable of torture, my (great)dad was left clueless. Fortunately she was only human, as much as she's a monster, little by little my (lovable)dad not only knew, but fell to her feet too. Yupp poor (poor)daddy. She continued to cook for me, haphazardly, forcing tons of rice covered in black oil down my throat, and i'll cry and eat for about 2 hours every night.. as the rice gets saltier every mouthful, i prayed criply for my (tired)father's return. For then the beatings will subside so sudden and abrubtly.

i survived a year. Became 9.

My (beautiful)grandmother noticed the rapid gain of unhappy weight and greenness in me, thus complained,'mommy' got mad, and soon i was never allowed to consume any food at home from then on. Yet all my relatives believed she was a very nice woman, simply because she is in front of them. And she too had warned me about the "you will know" before a visit to any relatives. I'd return home weeping so hard into my pillow while all sleep soundly.I could do nothing but pray. Soon i was deemed 'dirty' , and my 'dirty' clothings had to be hand-washed(luckily not hand-made) from then till now. Thats why i am always spending fulltime in the orange toilet.

i gained independence and 1 more birthday.

I was the only child and lonely. [she did not conceive, although she blames it on me cos she claims there is not enough money.I trust otherwise.] Begun go into moodys and poetry. And an obese clown in class forever, trying to gain's everything's attention. Maybe it's because i tried so hard to seem invisible even to the ghost at home. Everything i did was punishable then.

I will survived! pri 5 and 11.

It carried on.. my teacher saw the cane marks one fine day and decide to call home and question.. well, Mrs Nancy Tan never called again after she saw how i looked the following morning. 'Mommy' became more careful, hitting areas unseen easily and thinking of alternatives. I began burning countless night copying books of chinese characters about what i will not do. My (kind)dad by then was an ill man.

12,

PSLE. And guess what!! i finally outgrown her and the physical abuse reduced greatly. no more bamboo poles, no more scorching iron. But her mind games still hurts very much the same. But i play hard. score a 244 and started anew an temasek. Still a clown though.

thirteenager..

Met great friends. gave such sense of certainly and comfort i spilled everthing out for the first time. much more than what i wrote, much more scarier. first puff. fell in love with Ansley. (powerful)Dad lost job. Did badly in studies.

14..

(chivalrous)Dad still owe the bank 5 digits after 9 years. Began to steal(not my dad). joined Conerstone church. And loot no more. Did badly in studies. No more house phone and television.

five teen,

played and played and played. Did badly in studies. She threw so many of my stuffs away, from shampoo to my shoes and the list never halts. Often stayed out rather the purgatory.

NOW,

O what history teaches now and then

what shawdows advise how and when

yester years had made men strong

who judges whether right or wrong.

Many told me if i had call the police she would have gone to jail, but there's no point to ponder. She still very much sleep in the forbbiden room next door(never stepped in for centuries). But i must blurt out i've learn alot from her. That the universe ain't as profound as women, that Silience is more powerful than Volume. No matter what, i believe she plays an important role in keeping my ever so simple and lazy ( amiable)dad and i in order. And just being there for my (anxious)father to rant, even though he is often ignored, is good enough. And that Compassion and Cruelty can live side by side in One heart. There were happy times, like playing checkers. Also bad ones which have left me somewhat blistered, bruised and exhausted.

I don't share my story to gain symphathy nor tell Milky way that i live in self pity. I just hope my fellow readers will appreciate life so much more, and find more meaning behaind each day. I will never know how to repay Chong hu enough for letting me stay over forever to use the computer and watch TV, without him this will never be possible. Thank you Chong hu. Thank all my friends! I shall type out the first letter of your names ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ .... found yourself? Let us all look on the bright side of life. Give God what's right; not what's left.

Will God give me those colours?

they're beautiful, how on the sky he paint?

well, He has his wonders,

but if you want that rainbow,psst..you got to put up with the rain.

With that, i officially close my short yet sweet blogging life.thank blogger.com/ Thank boys and girls i love you guys.

Euphoria.

2006-06-23T06:45:00.000-07:00

It is almost 5 AnteMeridian, the whistles have blown, and i'm still trying to find a remedy for the world cup fever. Which has the same symtoms of dengue.. enormous lack of sleep, great periods of lazing within an oblong cell, and slamming a notorious red card to my study life( which have already been lost somewhere in the padi fields on the terraced mountains of China. ) It has been 5 days since i went home to visit those trapped goldfishes. I seem to amaze fresh water creatures, they never blink an eye while they stare at me in awe.i should be proud and grateful and never have them for dinner. Japan scored the first goal(in all manner) against Brazil just now , causing tidal waves of brain juice throughout their audiences. Little did they know they had unleashed the beast at the same time and lost 4-1 a moment later. Try harder fellow asians.
mommy
Suddenly i miss my biological mom. who left me and my dad for 10 years. 10, isn't a very big number. 10 years, however, is a quite long time. But i have to confess she's a great woman. Earning more than my ever so soft and simple father and having more kids than her husbands, what more can i say? You left your own flesh and blood all because of MONEY?! Leaving me learning nursery songs about the ever so great Mother's Love that i sing without knowing how the hell it feels like. Like learning a foreign language. Having Kindergarten professors lecturing and trying so hard to put across to me that a child without a mother is like the dry grass and dead leaves we step on ignorantly everyday. Maybe it's MY failing, that the fortune teller was right about me being useless and scrap 10 years later. Oh ya, thank you so much for changing my name, it's beautiful. Forget it, you didn't even breastfeed me.

How much you must have endured !
thank you O my mother,
yet having me was like being robbed!
and off you went where life is better.

At the beginning of time the clock struck one
Then dropped the dew and the clock struck two
From the dew grew a tree and the clock struck three
The tree made a door and the clock stuck four
Man came alive and the clock struck five
Count not, waste not the years on the clock
Behold i stand at the door and knock. (The Railway Man)

Therefore life goes on.

I do love you mommy.

2006-06-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

My Girlfriend

I have a girlfriend of 3 months 11 days and counting. i remembered it was math, 10:33:33 said the phone clock and yes said her. The feelings.. let me recount.. was of surprise, jubilation, and if the dictionary is honest enough, Love. I smiled cunningly at everyone, some ignored, few questioned, and the rest obviously wasn't there to share my piece of strawberry pie. It never seemed to end, as much as it had never begun(yet), the sweetness. I believe many, if not all, reading this can relate quite well, or somewhere near. Then i saw her, she looked at me, with a look made of all sweet accord. Well, i must have loved her.

Come what may, love reigns over all,

and nobody breaks down the highest wall,

come what may, love makes beautiful,

Fact for arguement? i love you.

3 months and 11 days must have passed, whether the flower have bore any fruit or withered and fall so quietly, i shall be mumb about it, or maybe there is nothing that should or can be said. What is Love? Arts Central decribe it as a 4 letter word more powerful than Hate. Love squeezes your heart dry of Hateness , like how the Bible scares the Hell out of you. I suppose You too will admit these few months have not been all that eventful, and if there had been (any)Love, she must have been diluted and drowned in my bluntness. Maybe it's my devil-may-care attitude and actions, which unfortunately includes flirting. Maybe i expect too much while you too little. I don't blame you if you do not love me, it takes 2 hands to clap. I am sorry. However, i trust no matter how insignificant that deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude towards you may now seem, it is still there. And let's not wait for it to disappear.

Overlapped and hidden by the sands of times,

not all the time we find music and rhymes,

perhaps we have outgrown the highest wall,

and did not notice, therefore trip and fall.

2006-06-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

Candlelight

How many miles to Babylon?

Three score and ten

Can i get there by candlelight

Yes, and back again.

you did not create the seas no skies, it was there.

you did not make sparrows sing nor fly, they were there.

you did not shape me nor took my ribs, i was there.

you did not cover the world with love, she was there.

I am Alpha and Omega the beggining and the end the first and the last and did those feet in ancient time walk upon England's mountains green.O for that warning voice which he who saw/ The Apocalyse heard cry inheaven aloud. Yet man is born unto trouble, as sparks fly upward.

how many miles to babylon?

three scores and ten

can i get there by candlelight

yes, and back again.

sigh Chong angry with me cos i was too loud then he and his bro sleeping.. i'm brainless...aiya suddenly very sad ahh. somebody blogg but sadness and marry me please. have not slept at all. the birds no longer sing, for i've been knocked down, but trodden on and kicked back into an upright position. Hit again,hard. All the thugs now set to in earnest. Guess it's too painful i'll just fall asleep. Adriano's chalet later. God bless all.

(The Railway man and me.)

2006-06-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

HAPPINESS

Highly pleasant emotion characterised by an outward manifestations of gratification; joy; when you see Lenis. hahaha so what is happiness? What are its constituents? What are the causes and conditions of happiness? How, if at all, does it differ from pleasure? when somebody smiles like Lenis above ... is that happiness?

Is it what you have, or who you are,
that makes you happy?
Is it where you live, how you contra,
that makes you happy?
i rather believe it's what you think,
do not envy of what you've seen.
the grass'll always b greener on the other side,
except for the foolish creation of aparthied.
we do not live in a world of reality,
perceptions are more likely.

One afternoon, a woman walks up to a grinning old man, happily rocking away in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "what's your secret for a long happy life?" " Well, i smoke 60 a day," he says. "i also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
" Amazing!" says the woman. "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," the man replies.

all the girls love me!! but i'm not happy!
how do i live in jubilee?
stop pestering with your wealth!
Guess i'll scare you off by being myself.

haha "I was beside him like an architect*, i was his daily source of joy, always happy in his presence-
Happy with the world
and pleased with the human race." (proverbs 8:30)
* a little child.

cheeseeeeeee......

Ruiqi and Hidd, Hard Gay, Brenden(Chong's nephew.~had to wake Chong up just to ask him how to spell the name~ )

haha it's 6:10 in the morning and i have not slept!! have maths lesson at 8. guess i not going bah. mm.. let's not overvalue what we don't have or undervalue what we do. hahahaahahahah... yawns...and guess what i've found! happy does not start with A nor end with Z.

blessed, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, chirpy, content, contented, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated, exultant, flying high, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified, hopped up, intoxicated, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant, laughing, light, lively, looking good, merry, mirthful, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased, satisfied, sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled, tickled pink, up, upbeat.

We shall end with a happy note,
played by our railway of happy thoughts,
don't just survive on a diet of hope,
flow in joy and tune with the odds,
be happy, feign no more,
be happy, make no war,
be happy, Jesus say,
be happy, every single day.

Euphoria.

2006-06-15T18:42:00.000-07:00

BACK! hahaha 3 days 2 nights. while all my classmates went home after the 1st day i EXTRA stayed on with the other classes. Actually planned go Rahmat's or Chester's place to spend the 2nd night but i guess we didn't. The Old Changi General Hospital became my chalet also.. went there 6 times all with different group of people. The picture above was the last group of friends i went with plus Adriano taking the picture. It pretty decribes what i did most of the time, which is eating. Slept at around 6a.m today.. Wah lao if i knew Fisherman earlier then wouldn't have slept beside Her. grr so stupid.. put that aside.. Gan Felicia and I came to Shirley's place this morning. sleep eat sleep eat haha. Shirley's house also become our chalet le. Shirley Ong is the ghost on the right with her accomplice Eileen the friendly spirit

We have commited mayhem on scarce grouds,
did i really looked all tall and brave?
either there were none or all around,
most frightened were the tall and brave.

the 6 classes should do something to thank the teachers for all their efforts. Miss Neo seem so not happy.

haha see there are no scary ghost.. so Mich don't be afraid.

SORRY DAWN.

Jubilees.

2006-06-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

I am full of confusion; therefore see thou mine affliction;for it increaseth. Thou huntest me as a fierce lion; and againthou showest thyself marvellous upon me. Thou renewest thy witnesses against me, and increaseth thine indignation upon me; changes and war are against me. (The railway man.)

Well, that's how life has been.

Probabilities have looked harsh and unfavourable,
sufferings and pains were made unbearable,
O who craved those lines on every hand,
who gave me those amazing friends?
who cares if i'm poor and weary,
the best things in life are free.

well, that's how life has been.

2006-06-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

A long, long time ago, the sky, the earth, and all living things did not exist. There was nothing of what we now see all around us: there was only God, and it was he who created everything we see around us.

O so are we by chance or by creation?
are we the felony of all inventions?
is it tales and fables we blindly believe?!
they say seeing is believing, yet we believe to see.

.. then God made the firmament over the waters, and it was like a great vault, transparent and clear. God called the firmament "sky." A morning passed and evening came, and this was the second day.

the days will come and the sun will set,
many of a few times the 2 have met,
the breaking of the dawn and orange seas,
God made the world go round me.

there were still no inhabitants of dry land and God said: "the earth shall be populated by living beings of many different kinds: animals that are good to eat, wild beast, reptiles, and every other species that moves on the land." This happened, and thus God created all species of animals. And he saw that they were good.

How many have you made extinct?!
the beautiful creatures mould by our King.
by what numbers are they slaughtered?!
Save those who are endangered.

At this point, God said: "I shall make man and he shall be different from all other creatures! i shall make him in my own image and likeness, and he shall reign over the fishes of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the animals on land!"

sadly many do not portray the image of God no more,
born unto the world we were all made pure,
we have depised and spit on our very own father,
the fruits we grow have all gone bitter.

hhahaha guess thats all for this morning bah.. haiya skippedsch again.. how.. at Chong hu house . he slping. mm.. so bored i shall write more hahaha.

O Lord who art in heaven!
hallowed be thy name,
in the books your wonders written,
laid before my eyes your wonders came.

Euphoria.

2006-06-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

'Let the little children come, do not hinder them. For the kingdom of haven belong to such as these' wait.. this one is overweight, bring him back to earth.

HE made me do it .

2006-06-07T17:57:00.000-07:00

sorry Star suppose to meet you but never! please forgive me! my father don't want give me money again... really sorry.

i'm sorry! spare my guilt!
make me short fat ugly and puke.
i'm sorry! forget me not!
however forget my fault.

aiyo Chong hu going Yiyuan chalet with Adriano. i go home first at night come back stay.

Mercy!

2006-06-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

16! all that age in a hole,
wishes countless friends and uncountable foes,
16! preparing for the Ordinarys,
yet -like all- torn and messy.

orannged, fetished and numbered 12,
so great i'm jealous of myself,
O pls forgive but don't forget,
what's joy without the sad?

1st of june, what a timly start,
who when how why what,

well there must be meaningwith each day,
must be morals behind a day,
curtains drawn, scene 1 set,
audience watch, actors act.

Oink oink , a pig!
oink oink, adorably dramatic,
whistles , laughter,
oh music move to portray horror.

and he'll huff and puff till he blows you down!
fright, scrambled away the clown,
and he'll huff and puff till he blows you down!
Gamma, hearts pound with rhythmic sound.
and he'll huff and puff till he blows you down!
but all efforts are futile.

for the wiser chose neither straws nor sticks,
instead built a house of bricks,
how simple, thought the seats,
simple indeed, have saved the pigs.

Euphoria.

2006-06-01T02:21:00.000-07:00

^^
2/1